Today I died. I was not in any pain, don’t worry. I was just alone. But I was so used to being alone, that dying without having anyone near me was familiar and warm.
I had spent so many years in my kennel that I grew to love it, it was the one and only place I ever felt safe in.
I guess I was unlucky. I never wondered why it should be me the one who got so unlucky while others weren’t. It’s just the way it is.
Dear mum, I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I just wish you had known I was there. I wish that when you were looking for a friend, you hadn’t picked the fluffy puppy in the pet store.
I wish that someone had pointed you towards the right direction. I wish you had visited my home years ago, and picked me instead of the purebred puppy of that friend of yours.
I wish that when you were thinking that you want a dog to wag his tail every time you came back home, you had know that I would have done that.
I wish that when you were looking for a dog to lie on your feet while you’re being lazy on the couch, you had known that I would do that.
I wish that when you were looking for a dog to go hiking up on the highest mountain, I would be the best company.
I just wish you knew that I could be anything you wanted me to be.
Dear mum, it’s not your fault. I know there was one mum out there for me and it was you. We just never met. Maybe we never met because there are so many of us and so few of you. A mum should know where to look, but sometimes, mums make mistakes too. I only wish that you hadn’t made that mistake.
Dear mum, don’t be sorry. Don’t cry. Last night, when I fell asleep, I think I saw you in my dream. You came to my kennel, opened the door and took me out on a walk. Then we drove around in the car, went home and I lied in my bed, with my eyes wide open, so I could see as much of you as I could.
I know how you look like, I know how you smell, I know the sound of your voice and the color of your hair. You never knew mine, but that’s ok. I don’t look or smell that special. I am just a dog, your dog.
Dear mum, I am sorry I never told you where I was. I just thought you’d know.
Today I died happy. While I was trying to wake up, I could hear you voice calling my name and it was the sweetest voice I had ever heard.
The dog you would have adopted.